Friday, February 22, 2008



It's me against the whole damned world. I look out from my embattled cave and... just want to lie down and die. I'm tired. Fighting the world isn't that much of a problem but fighting the Living God takes some effort.

Kindness leads to change, inevitably, calling like a siren from the sharp rocks. How does one change while still surviving? Cat Stevens sang "From the time that I could talk, I was ordered to listen." Any discussion of events and ideas with God proceeds with the understanding that He is always right.

Except that God isn't interested in being Right. He has no axe to grind. Still, being with him means change. Who am I, if not the same person I am right now? How is God's work different from all those in the past who have tried to change me to suit their own motives, their own plans?

The main difference I see right now is that God isn't interested in manipulating me. He wants me to go into it open-eyed, making a real decision. Look at the alternatives, discuss it with all of my fragmented selves and go. God will wait.

A decision made under duress isn't a decision. A decision that forces one side to knuckle under also isn't a decision, and you have only to look at the boundaries of nations to understand the truth. Intellectual tyrrany isn't a decision. It's a dictatorship and the arrangement tends to come apart under stress. A whole soul can't be made from parts that are forced to be buddies; they have to mutually agree.

How in the world can that happen? I have no idea.

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