Thursday, September 30, 2004
Dead Men Can't Sin
There were many more bad kings than good. It's a sad story that ends with the whole nation of Israel being carried off to Babylon by their conquerors.
I was depressed by reading this. How could it happen? These people have seen God at work! They've seen the God of Abraham drive huge armies away. They've gone up against nations larger than themselves and come away the victors, over and over. Yet the people soon abandon their real God and turn to the more tangible Baals.
Yes, how could it happen? There is evidence of God's work all around us. Specifically, there is evidence of His handiwork running like a strong cable through my entire life. It's very clear. I would never...
Well, it's easy for a man 98% dead not to sin. What could I do but hold tight to God's coattails and hope for the best? But after he raided the castle and started dissolving things in his love, I started to come back to life. Not only respect for God came back to life, but the ability to turn from him. This is sad, but true.
It's more of a struggle now to stay with God. Having begun in the Spirit, I'd just as soon leave Him behind and do things my way.
I was thinking about this on the way home yesterday. Why does God bother with individuals? He has to completely remake me; guide me, give me hints about what to do, and then He has to give me the power to do it! If I choose. What is the point? What has this done to improve my life? I used to be dead, but making my own decisions. Now I'm alive, and all of my decisions seem to be bad; does this mean I've become a robot?
No, what it really seems to mean is that I don't know anything about what it takes to live. I have habits, and experience in expressing those habits, but I don't really know what it takes to make a life worth living.
When I started this adventure a year ago, the first thing I learned was that I didn't know anything about God. Then I learned that I didn't know anything about living as a follower of Jesus. Now I'm learning that I don't know anything about living in general!
What does it take to have a good life? Something more than I know. I really don't want to rebel because that leads me back to that familiar mostly dead space. One more of those and I'm dead meat. But, yeow, what is the point? I need God for everything? Why'd he make me? What can I offer to this process that 6.6 billion others can't also do?
Singularity. Step over it. Faith. There must be something better out there. It's hard.