Last Exit Before Oblivion

I've never run into anything bigger than I could comprehend. With
application anything could be understood, step by step, start at the
beginning and go on. If the task were worth the trouble. Most of the time I
didn't care enough to do more than understand the outline.

Psychoanalysis was comprehensible but the process was unlivable. It was
like falling through the floor, lodging for a time at a level and then
falling through again. I got so that I hung onto the walls when the
floorboards were kicked out.

I knew who God was, right? Knew what he wanted, right? Merely a matter of
applying myself to the principles and going on, step by step.

There are sticky questions. What is faith? What is worship? What is
service? What is love? I have a good mind. That's the way God made me. Step
by step, figure it out. Mainly to keep from falling through another floor
into emptiness.

Well, psychoanalysts aren't the only ones who know how to kick out the
floorboards. God goes beyond that to pry my fingers away from the walls.
With the analyst, when the 50-minute period is up, you're out no matter how
high above that hard floor you are. The session with God never ends--a good
thing or a bad thing, depending on circumstances--but the big difference is
that when the floor disappears I didn't fall.

And that leads to the first singularity. A point beyond which I can't
figure out anything. Why does God bother to catch me?

Another of these singularities is why does God bother? He has demonstrated
his care, over and over, starting with giving up his Son. But what is my
role in this life? He is the author and finisher, the one who started it,
the One who motivates and reproves. Without him I can't do a thing. At
least anything worth doing.

It's quite a testament to God's handiwork that we can be so effective even
without Him in our lives. Human mind and human will go far. But they lead
to another singularity: what's it worth?

My guess is that faith is the step beyond the singularity. Walking into
God's incomprehensible, very deep process. I know what he did yesterday and
what he's doing now; he has promised never to leave, so it's within the
realm of reason to go ahead and take the step and not look too closely at
the floor.