Tuesday, December 14, 2004


Looking at the Archive

I got a couple of new subscribers to the "Weird Email" list last week. These messages are my working thoughts, experimental things, theologically questionable. I started sending them to Eric, of Mosaic, last year and then other people have heard about them and wanted to read them. Weird Email is the direct progenitor of this blog.

So, Carl and Cassie signed up. I sent them some recent messages and then figured maybe I should dig up an old one and send that as an example.

I'm not one for being stuck in the past. I figure it's to learn from and then move on. Just because things happened a certain way last year doesn't mean I have to keep doing it that way. We all learn and grow, assuming we're alive.

Still, as I read the messages I found in my Email archive I was taken by their directness. I was really searching then, trying to figure things out a year ago, and every step I took was into new land.

Now, life is quieter. I'm much more confident. A year ago I was convinced that if I made any kind of mistake either God or Mosaic would throw me out, so I was most assiduous in working out how to follow Jesus as fast as I could. Get it done before I get tossed. Now I know that God will never throw me out, and that matters more than what any church does.

Back then I was hanging onto God, squeezing hard as if He were an orange, and a stingy one at that. If I didn't squeeze, the answers wouldn't come out. Now I know different. He loves to provide me with answers. I don't have to drive myself forward with a stick. I can relax. I don't have to tell myself what to do as if I were running my life by remote control. I can simply live, myself in the moment, and the Holy Spirit will help me deal with what happens. A mistake no longer threatens the entirety of my life.

Now I know that God was giving me of Himself even when I denied Him. He was biding His time, waiting until just the right moment. He blesses me with His presence in every moment. He likes being with me. A year ago I wouldn't have believed that if someone had told me.

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