Tuesday, December 14, 2004
Looking at the Archive
So, Carl and Cassie signed up. I sent them some recent messages and then figured maybe I should dig up an old one and send that as an example.
I'm not one for being stuck in the past. I figure it's to learn from and then move on. Just because things happened a certain way last year doesn't mean I have to keep doing it that way. We all learn and grow, assuming we're alive.
Still, as I read the messages I found in my Email archive I was taken by their directness. I was really searching then, trying to figure things out a year ago, and every step I took was into new land.
Now, life is quieter. I'm much more confident. A year ago I was convinced that if I made any kind of mistake either God or Mosaic would throw me out, so I was most assiduous in working out how to follow Jesus as fast as I could. Get it done before I get tossed. Now I know that God will never throw me out, and that matters more than what any church does.
Back then I was hanging onto God, squeezing hard as if He were an orange, and a stingy one at that. If I didn't squeeze, the answers wouldn't come out. Now I know different. He loves to provide me with answers. I don't have to drive myself forward with a stick. I can relax. I don't have to tell myself what to do as if I were running my life by remote control. I can simply live, myself in the moment, and the Holy Spirit will help me deal with what happens. A mistake no longer threatens the entirety of my life.
Now I know that God was giving me of Himself even when I denied Him. He was biding His time, waiting until just the right moment. He blesses me with His presence in every moment. He likes being with me. A year ago I wouldn't have believed that if someone had told me.