Thursday, December 30, 2004
Words Running Like Treacle
Folks, I'm tired. It has been quite a year. I have lots of ideas for Blog stories but nothing will quite come together. Many fragments whirling around on my hard disk, but fragments only. Nothing coalesces.
It isn't easy being transformed into the image of Jesus. Well, really, it is easy. God Himself did the hardest part. All I have to do is follow him.
An insensitive person might not notice. Nor might a strong one. I'm meither, and find myself stretched about as far as I can be without becoming really ugly.
So, God has given me some time off. Look at the flowers, wander around, play "Myst:Uru," read and let my mind wander. I've been too serious in a lot of ways, but then, it's justified.
Survival. I won't make it much farther unless I stay with God, so I've been taking our relationship very seriously. People who know me know that I tend to do this. God had tried to get through to me many times with the message that I don't need to be quite so narrowly focused. He will take care of survival. I don't have to guard every aspect of my life as I'm used to.
It's a habit hard to break. Little things happen, I get scared and start to defend myself. This takes work. Constant starts and alarums. Yes, I'm tired.
I'm still here, though, and still learning. Maybe someday I'll be able to "be still and know that I am God."
I actually do pretty well when I'm alone. Learning to be confident when with others is a whole different subject, but God has accomplished miracles in my life, so I have little doubt that he can do this also. If I keep paying attention. All I have to do is keep following him. That's all he asks. Sometimes even that is too much and he just sort of turns off the discipline switch and wraps me up in his arms. This embarrasses me, and I feel as if I must have disppointed him because I should be stronger.
But, should I? He knew me before we started all of this. He took on the job anyway. The only surprise for God is what the New Year Day sculpture will look like. If the weather permits.
It isn't easy being transformed into the image of Jesus. Well, really, it is easy. God Himself did the hardest part. All I have to do is follow him.
An insensitive person might not notice. Nor might a strong one. I'm meither, and find myself stretched about as far as I can be without becoming really ugly.
So, God has given me some time off. Look at the flowers, wander around, play "Myst:Uru," read and let my mind wander. I've been too serious in a lot of ways, but then, it's justified.
Survival. I won't make it much farther unless I stay with God, so I've been taking our relationship very seriously. People who know me know that I tend to do this. God had tried to get through to me many times with the message that I don't need to be quite so narrowly focused. He will take care of survival. I don't have to guard every aspect of my life as I'm used to.
It's a habit hard to break. Little things happen, I get scared and start to defend myself. This takes work. Constant starts and alarums. Yes, I'm tired.
I'm still here, though, and still learning. Maybe someday I'll be able to "be still and know that I am God."
I actually do pretty well when I'm alone. Learning to be confident when with others is a whole different subject, but God has accomplished miracles in my life, so I have little doubt that he can do this also. If I keep paying attention. All I have to do is keep following him. That's all he asks. Sometimes even that is too much and he just sort of turns off the discipline switch and wraps me up in his arms. This embarrasses me, and I feel as if I must have disppointed him because I should be stronger.
But, should I? He knew me before we started all of this. He took on the job anyway. The only surprise for God is what the New Year Day sculpture will look like. If the weather permits.
# posted by Larry @ 13:47 
Comments:
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"Sometimes even that is too much and he just sort of turns off the discipline switch and wraps me up in his arms."
I love this statement. I love it that He loves me that much. Enough to discipline and enough to turn it off and just hold me.
"This embarrasses me, and I feel as if I must have disppointed him because I should be stronger."
Whoa!! Don't you think that realize HE is our strength is what it is all about? I don't think He expects me to be strong--just to discover how strong HE is. He does know how to build my muscles, though. I know I'm stronger than I was a few years ago. . . and I think that sometimes when I think I'm weak is when I'm going through something really tough and the truth is I'm just getting deeper roots in Him, not going backwards.
I've missed getting over here to read your posts. Let almost completely go of blogging while I focused on my kids. Had a great time with them . . . but missed reading blogs like this one!
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I love this statement. I love it that He loves me that much. Enough to discipline and enough to turn it off and just hold me.
"This embarrasses me, and I feel as if I must have disppointed him because I should be stronger."
Whoa!! Don't you think that realize HE is our strength is what it is all about? I don't think He expects me to be strong--just to discover how strong HE is. He does know how to build my muscles, though. I know I'm stronger than I was a few years ago. . . and I think that sometimes when I think I'm weak is when I'm going through something really tough and the truth is I'm just getting deeper roots in Him, not going backwards.
I've missed getting over here to read your posts. Let almost completely go of blogging while I focused on my kids. Had a great time with them . . . but missed reading blogs like this one!
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