Last Exit Before Oblivion

There's a knock at the door.
"Who's there?" I've been taken more times than I can count.
"mumble mumble"
"Hold on a second." I pause the music, go put on a pair of shorts.
"Who's there?"
"mumble I want to talk to you."
Yeah, right. Well, it's too late to pretend I'm not home. I wonder what the scam is this time. I open the door a little way.
"Oh." I open it wide. Not much else to do when Jesus comes calling.

The disciples were having dinner with Jesus. They all were there. John was next to his Lord, and in a quick description he is said to be leaning back against Jesus. Can you imagine this? The first few times I read that I just passed over it. The phrases before and after that conveyed some meaning to me, but that one was like a patch of ice under my feet: I just slid over and then resumed walking on the far side.

Think about it. John, leaning against Jesus' warm body, hearing his heart beat, feeling him breathe in a kind of intimacy that is shocking. Try that these days and you'll get thrown out of your host's house. There it is, black and white in God's words. John leaning on Jesus, and Jesus calmly sitting. A child in the lap.

There are lots of things I associate with Jesus. Casual intimacy isn't one of them. Oh, I know that he knows everything that goes on in me, every thought. That's one kind of intimate relationship, and it's essential. He has to do that or else I'll die. Simple as that. Every time I start thinking about why, though, I run into that skittery ice problem. Can't handle it, zip on past.

Logic is a strong indicator, though. Why else would someone who can do anything he wants, choose to have anything to do with me? The only reason that makes sense is that he wants to, that he enjoys the contact. Jesus enjoys watching His people, enjoys being with them, enjoys visiting, enjoys knowing them. He enjoyed knowing John.

Not always does the whip crack. Jesus comes calling, and it's just to have some time together. Lean against me, He says. Know me. Let us walk together, or sit together if you're too tired to walk... because you're knocking yourself out trying to prevent intimacy with me. Learn from John.