Sunday, February 19, 2006
Afraid to Move
So, once I've reached something akin to a comfortable place--I'm not saying good, nor attractive, just survivable and better than other places--I tend to stay put. Challenges are for those who have some confidence of being able to make it out the other side after they move. I look at the challenge, know it's bigger than I am, and turn aside. Bottom-feeder survival mentality. It has always been somewhat embarrassing, but I am still here.
Now, I wonder what this might have looked like, if I'd had some confidence that when the shit hits the fan it won't last forever, that I'll come out of it. Instead, I see each problem as the one that's going to break me. Perhaps the truth is partway between. I can't do everything but I can do some things.
If life is just a constant round of ever-harder challenges, why bother? Is that really what God wants? I must have a wrong idea someplace. Perhaps if I take my glance off the floor and look ahead, what I see will be better than I expect. Nah. Can't be. You're never disappointed when assuming the worst. And I'm tired.
If life is just a constant round of ever-harder challenges, why bother? Is that really what God wants? <<<
Yeah..every time I get knocked down and drag myself back up I think...is this what God really wants? Then He tells me that if I was done here, I wouldn't still be here....