Last Exit Before Oblivion

Seems that everyone else knows best. I'm supposed to be something other than what I am. Which story am I supposed to believe? I've seen many people hauled far away from who they are by the influences of others. I just decided, sometime in the past, not to let it happen to me.

Of course this puts me in conflict with people who believe in church. They exhort, they cajole, they know best. They believe in the challenge.

Many people react strongly against this sort of thing. When they're attacked by wild dogs, they beat the dogs. I'm not allowed to do that so I do what I can: I put myself in a cage so the dogs can't get at me. No one else can, either, but I'm willing to pay that price to keep my heart my own.

God's way of working with people is much different. You'd think he'd be the most forceful one out there. He's God. He can make me do anything. If I balk, he can just twiddle something inside and there I go, like a marionette. Or he could touch some little tender part of me and cause great pain. I'd then do whatever he asked, just to avoid the pain.

God calls me to give up everything. Give it to him. He calls me to die to myself. I see the need for this. It's essential in any life change: you die to the old way, grow into a new one. Human beings just aren't made to change radically every week. We grow, like trees, like puppies, like flowers. Day to day it seems not much changes but after some time you see the small changes accumulate.

After last Sunday's savage attacks I just retreated into my cage and let the world go by. Note that savageness is in the body of the experiencer. God stepped up his rain of blessing and eventually I realized what had happened. Under extreme provocation like that my response is automatic: I run away and hide, rather than lash out or try to defend myself. Once the attack starts it's too late. I could have attacked, but what good would come from that? Instead of one hurt person there'd have been three. God used the whole event to illustrate his gentleness.

His way is impossible, but gentle. He leads in one little step after another. He calls to living in constant mission. My life is my mission and only he can bring that about. Why can we not call to people's desire to move on? Instead of driving them with guilt, why not call them with love? That's what God has done with me, and although I know little of love in its fancier aspects I understand pretty well the nuts and bolts of how God operates.

Look at the Cross. That act of love is my model.