Last Exit Before Oblivion

BJK, in "Blow Me Up, Lord," quotes Oswald Chambers:

Will is the essential element in God's creation of man: sin is a perverse disposition which entered into man.

That pretty much stopped me in my tracks. An actual, big-name Christian saying that human will is... essential? A sacred part of God's image in me? I'd pretty much arrived by my own processes at the same conclusion but it wasn't something I was going to shout from the rooftops.

Maybe I should. Maybe I should be more open about what God teaches me, no matter how radical it is or unpopular with the current leaders of Christian thought. My main motivation, though, is to stay out of trouble. Question the powers that be and you get bricks heaped upon your fragile head, or at least questions designed not to elucidate the truth but to call into question things that God has taught an individual. "Don't you think..." I just don't want to go through the grilling.

And yet people are dying for want of this. God spreads a table, and belief systems build walls around that table so only certain people who are good enough can get to it. I'd like to dissolve the walls, but Satan hates freedom so he makes Christianity look as rule-bound as the fastnesses of Hell. God offers his free gift, but Satan makes it look expensive. Unfortunately, Satan having ruled this world for a long time, it's a lot easier to believe his lies because they fit our experience. God offers his love, and I look for tricks. It takes a lot of work on God's part to change the mind of one single more-or-less trying-to-be-believer.

God made me a certain way. Human characteristics. He put them there. I don't know yet how it all fits, but gradually my parts are learning to live with each other. The unrestricted warfare of years' standing is dying down into brushfire battles and skirmishes. It's an improvement, believe me, and it's due to the Holy Spirit interposing himself between the factions. His will, more than mine.

What surprises me is that my will is still active. I expected it to be dissolved. It was either that or a short slide into oblivion. The path since then has led to many surprises, and the preservation of my will is one. Which is why Chambers' quote resonates. Will is the original, and sin is its warped latter-day echo. We believe more in the sin than in the will.

I know that will is essential. I don't have much will at the moment, but in the past will has led to sand sculpture, stories, Blogs, friends and other things. I never really respected it. I have a real problem with wanting things to work the way others say they should because then I'll just blend in with the rest and stay out of trouble. That isn't real life, though. No one ever accomplished anything by keeping their abilities hidden and staying out of trouble. It seems that changes are coming, but God is building the foundation so that when I do get a will I don't get crushed by the first criticism.