Monday, January 08, 2007
The Fat Moment
Well, about all I can do is look at the future and shudder. Anything could lie in wait out there in the dark unknowable shadows. I've seen many people laid low by the unpredictable, a long litany of events ranging from all too common to the absurdly unlikely.
There are many things followers of Jesus beat themselves up for. Worrying is one. "Who of you by worrying can change anything?" Or something like that. And yet I do it.
God is understanding, and takes his time. You can't just deprive someone of a lifelong habit, so the Holy Spirit insinuates his subtle guiding thoughts in my unguarded moments.
"What can you do about the future?"
"Well, um... nothing, really, but I should be prepared."
"Look at how expensive that is. Always expecting the blow, twitching, ready to leap."
"What else can I do?"
"All you have is now. This moment. This is where you live."
"Yah... but over this moment looms the breaking wave of the future."
"Can you stop it from breaking? Whose Hand stays the blast?"
"No, I can't. But I just... seem to be a worrier. I can't stop."
"True, but you can quit holding onto the idea."
Another theme of this new life. Quit holding on. Use the energy for something else.
Finally, during community group (our version of Life Group), I finally got it: the choice is up to me. I can live in confidence in God today, and enjoy the day to the fullest, or I can live in worry and fear over my own inability control and contain the unexpected. God cannot do anything more for me in this area than He already is; I have to make the choice myself.
Its a scary choice. Especially for one who's so used to living in fear and worry. To choose to trust that God will provide regardless of what happens tomorrow (or later today) when I cannot see how He could/would... it's taking all the courage I have. And I'm still shaking in my boots.
Worry seems to be a common theme these days, I wrote about it the other day too.
Great post, Larry. Love your conversation with God. Have had a similar one many many times but it still needs to be repeated often.