Last Exit Before Oblivion

I doubt it's easy for any sensitive person, be they woman or man, to live in this world. I was regularly told "Don't be so sensitive," but it's rather like telling water to be less wet.
    I'm not sure of what use sensitivity is. It's a fairly personal thing and enhances the quality of my life. At least, when I'm alone. When around other people it can be an invitation to abuse, which is why I habitually hide my sensitivity most of the time.
    When God picked me up I expected that sensitivity would be one of the first things to go. There's work to be done and no time to consider feelings. I'd always thought that life without sensitivity wouldn't be worth living, but being sensitive hadn't helped all that much so, I just gave up.
    God's freedom includes everything. He made me as I am, and he calls his creation good. What does it take to live as a sensitive man? I'm not sure, as I've never really tried. Oh, I can do it alone well enough, but when I relate to others, they see only a small part of me. The rest is hiding.
    Habits oppose freedom. God wants to lead me away from most, if not all, ill-considered habits of behavior. If I respond automatically to a situation I'm quite likely to miss opportunities. Oh, the automatic responses simplify life, and simple is good for one who is not very strong.
    And that's what I think God is working on in me. Making me stronger in my relationship with him so that I can approach life with less automatic response. If something goes wrong God will help me get through it; it's not the end of the world. I have far more than my own resources for survival. That's pretty radical in itself: the God of the Universe notices one person, and gently helps him grow a garden in the blasted desert. We become strong enough to become openly sensitive. Yowza.

2012 July 23